List of things on my desk at work. Right now.

Diary of a patient.
Caddy of office crap.
Purell.
Business cards (that I have to hand print my name and number on).
Travel mug of stale, overly sweetened coffee.
Paper cup of overly sweetened Crystal Light (Pomegranate Cherry with B-vitamins. Am obviously a health nut).
Datebook.
Cell phone (with Internet access, so I can look at sites my office computer blocks. Am obviously a subversive revolutionary).
Ceramic pen container with an Asian character on it, that was made in Denmark that I think just toes the line of being racist, but it's over thirty years old and my parents bought it, so I don't care very much.
Hunk of hematite. To "ground" me. Whatever the fuck that means.
Phone (that seems vaguely dirty).
To-Do lists miles and miles long.

I'm pretty sure this makes me the most boring-est person ever. But that's okay. Because Bum has managed to bring up Colin Firth's penis, which makes me think of the story that Mr. Firth told of when he was making Pride and Prejudice. He was told, allegedly, to pretend he had an enormous erection whenever he looked at Elizabeth.

Worked for me.